Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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