Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
