I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
