My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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