Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
4 words: hood of his car
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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