We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
