i may or may not be watching the land before time
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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