Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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