capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
