if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
