We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
