If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
