dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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