remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
