I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize