Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
