Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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