At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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