Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
