woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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