plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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