I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
