sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just invented taco cereal.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
