Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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