Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize