she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize