I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Im part way to drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
