I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
