Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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