Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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