Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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