i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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