We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
