dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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