FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
