Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
