OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
