I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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