If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
