What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
