Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Boobs speak an international language.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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