Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize