Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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