You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
