so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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