I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
