weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize