ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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