no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
