i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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