If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude i'm inner monologue high
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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