I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
