And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
