And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
