youre lurking in front of me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
