The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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