We won't sleep together?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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