I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
