i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
3pm strippers are depressing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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