Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
