People in love make me want to vomit
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
