I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
