Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
