im six kinds of drunk right now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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