she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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