i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
