blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
