wrigley field is MILF paradise
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
