I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize