Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
