sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
